


(Just Like) Starting Over

by Nouveau_Monday



Series: Magnets [8]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M, Magnets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nouveau_Monday/pseuds/Nouveau_Monday
Summary: In my magnets!verse (which is now super AU because I started this 'verse when we thought there might be sex at NYE 2007!), the boys are trying to find their way back to each other after far too much angst and general cockblocking.





	(Just Like) Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: It's up to date to Christmas but deviates before NYE. But it's still AU.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone related to this show. If I did it would be very very different. CBS and P&G, Van, Jake, I'm a little jealous of you all for owning yourselves and this story.  
> Notes: All of this is in my little Magnets!verse, and in that happy place (or not so happy place currently), the boys have been having sex since New Years Eve 2007.  
> Also, John Lennon wrote the song "(Just Like) Starting Over", which is where i get the title. The lyrics are at the bottom of this for those of you who don't know the song.

"The thing is, you're drunk. You stink of beer and cigarettes. I can smell a million people's sweat and cologne on you from dancing at The Metro. Your eyes are red. Your hair is a mess." Noah's breath huffed out in irritating little puffs as he ticked the reasons off on his gloved fingers. "I could catalog all these things and a million more that piss me off." He clapped his hand on Luke.

"Well that sounds like fun for both of us." Luke rolled his eyes, shrugged his shoulder. "Let me go. Why would you want to be near if I'm so disgusting?" He has lost his gloves somewhere and his jacket was nowhere near heavy enough for the wind whipping through Old Town. "I'm cold, Noah. I'm cold and far more sober than you seem to suspect. It's great to see you all concerned for me or whatever, but if you don't mind, I'll be going now." He turned his back, point clearly written in his body language.

Noah growled. "I do mind, actually. I mind a lot. Will you hear me out?"

Luke whirled around to glare daggers at his ex-boyfriend. "Hear you out? About how I piss you off? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm all set on that." He slipped a bit on the slushy sidewalk, but managed a decent exit. At least he almost did, for the ten or so paces until Noah caught up with him. "Go away, Mayer. You broke up with me. You don't get to be here. To ask anything of me. Just. Go. Away."

"No." Noah grabbed Luke's arm, pulled him so they were chest to chest, with Noah's back pressed against the brick facade. "Listen to me. Really listen. All those things that I mentioned. Your breath. The thought of other people clamoring all over you on the dance floor. I'm pissed, Luke, sure, but not for the reasons you think. I'm furious because I don't have that." He held Luke closer with one hand on his hip and the other in the small of his back. "All of that means nothing, no matter how much I try to make it matter. I list reasons for why I shouldn't care, but it doesn't work. You're still the most beautiful man I've ever seen and the only one I love." Noah closed his eyes, rested his forehead against Luke's. "I miss you, Snyder. I've got a stupid hole in my heart that won't go away. Please Luke, tell me you'll think about taking me back. Tell me I haven't ruined us forever."

Luke inhaled the stale scent of coffee he had come to associate with Noah. He tried and failed to make sense of Noah's words. "What? Huh?" His tongue was too big, too clumsy for words. "I don't understand," he managed eventually.

"Do you need me to repeat myself?" Noah's laugh was watery. "I can. I'll say whatever I need to say. Whatever you need to hear."

"You miss me?" Luke stepped closer, threaded his legs between Noah's. "You think there's something that you should do to fix this? To fix us?" He placed his cold fingers against Noah's jaw, stroked at his stubble. "I know I'm the one that's been hitting the bottle, but are you sure you aren't high?" He wiped his thumbs over the wet tracks on Noah's cheeks.

Noah shook his head vigorously in the negative. He placed his gloved hands over Luke's on his face. "I've been worried and empty. I've made up a thousand reasons to stop by the farm, or the library, or your parent's house. All of them seemed dumb and none of them got across that I want to get us back to where we were, where we could be again."

Luke pressed his lips together to stop from doing anything else. "In the last month I've had more coffee than in the rest of his my life. I don't even like coffee."

"Then why - ?"

"Because I like you, Noah. I've missed you so much. I should never have got you involved in this. You were right to tell the Dean the truth. He was wrong to get you involved, but you did the right thing. I never want to see you lie, least of all for me." Luke inched forward, rocked himself into the warmth of Noah's thighs. "I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry."

Noah's breath hitched. He shifted, rolled to meet Luke's motion. "Do you think? I mean, maybe, that we could try to get back to where we were? Like last Christmas?"

Luke shook his head. "No." He kept his grasp tight, felt Noah flinch. "Not like that. I don't want to go back. Can we, please, can we go forward? Pretend that we've found the right words and gestures. Move past I'm sorry and Forgive me. Can we get to the part where we're curled around each other, clinging and making out? Can't we move beyond this?"

"Oh God." Noah shuddered, squeezed Luke's fingers. He sniffled. More tears slide from the corners of his eyes. "Yes, yes, a million times yes. Yes, Jesus, Luke. Come to my room with me. Stay. Stay an hour, stay the night, stay the rest of forever."

"Wait." Luke moved their hands to Noah's hips, leaned closer, pressed their bodies more deliberately together. "Can we, I mean, if you don't mind? Come back to the farm with me? I'm staying there right now. Helping Gram prepare the house and shovel snow and all that. Could you do that?"

Noah flushed, bit his lip. "You want me? At the farm? Really?"

Somehow the squeak in Noah's voice warmed Luke's heart more than any words he might have said. "Do you remember? The bench by the pond?" He nuzzled his nose forward, wrapped Noah's arms around him. "I could barely move, but I did, and then we were there, curled around each other. God I wanted you so bad, still do. And I fucked it up then too." He sucked the soft lobe of Noah's ear behind his teeth, nipped hard enough to cause a gasp. "Come back to the farm. Gram won't care, won't know. Heck, I don't care if she does know. I miss where we were, where we could be."

Noah's mind filled with images of the bench and the snow and Luke's hand on his dick. The stopping and starting, the parlor, everything that led to New Year's and then to Valentine's Day. He blushed, still, after everything that happened. Everything they did. His heart stuttered. "I miss us as well. I miss the scent of you, the taste of you, God Luke the feel of you." He bit his lip. "I half wake up to the phantom sensation of you inside me, around me. I don't want to get up because then I'll know it's a dream."

Luke's sigh, the heat of his breath even with the tinge of alcohol, the scrape of his teeth on Noah's skin multiply, expand exponentially. "You don't even know what your words do to me? How much I ache to hold you down and beg you to let me near you. God, Noah, want to crawl inside your skin until you can never shake me again." He licks into Noah's mouth, traces sharp canines before sucking carefully at his tongue. "I know we need to talk, need to figure this out. But not right now, okay? Take me to the farm. Let me take you from there."

 

Noah nodded, his other words lost. He kisses "My truck's in the school lot. Come on." He slipped his hands down to cup Luke's ass, rubbed against him.

"Fuck." Luke whimpered. "Can we hurry?"

"Yes." Screw the ice. Screw the possibility of falling on his ass. His ass had priorities right now, and that was getting the two of them to his truck and back to the farm. Immediately. Yesterday. The truck was closer than he remembered, or maybe God loved the gay this time of year. He unlocked it, still feet away and sprinted ahead to turn it on and warm it up. He jumped out again and opened Luke's door. "You good?" He watched Luke shimmy in, admired the wriggle of his back and the shape of his ass. His mouth dried. Biting your ex-boyfriend-possible-on-again-boyfriend's butt? Probably not the way to start off rekindling a relationship. Especially when Noah was hoping to be the one with marks on his ass.

"I'm in. I'm in. Hurry."

Noah white-knuckled the handle of the door. The urgency, the nownownow, when had it last been like that? Jesus, when had they last had sex? Noah's gut clenched. His ring finger burned with the memory of his sham marriage. His words from that night months before spun in his head on repeat as they had for the past eight weeks.

"It really is the same to me. You can't be my first marriage ever, and hell, unless we run away to Massachusetts or cross the border into Canada, you can never be my husband at all. But you always matter the most. Everything we've done, holding hands, kissing, laughing, fucking, cuddling, dishes, laundry, it doesn't matter. All of that is my first time doing it with someone I want to do that stuff with. So yeah, okay, I married Ameera to get her a green card. No denying that it's a fucked up day when I can do that and not declare my love for you in front of a JP. Anything I do with you I'm doing with someone I love for the first time. Can't, can't that be enough?"

Once, maybe twice, after that, but not really good sex. And always screwed up.

Luke trailed a finger over Noah's jaw. "Whatever is going on in your head is upsetting you. We can talk about it while you drive or, umm, later? But not now. Not, god Noah, just, let's go home. There's something I want to show you." He kisses Noah's forehead. "We don't need to do anything you don't want to do. We can just talk. Promise."

Luke's words broke Noah's paralyzing thoughts. He swallowed. "I'm good." he closed the door gently not to clip Luke before getting in on the driver's side. His fingers beat a nervous tattoo, but he couldn't control it. This is the right time. All the crap. All the hurt. This is right. We're supposed to be together. Noah matched his breath to the slow country song on his radio.

Without thinking, he pulled over. "There hasn't been anyone else. Not really. Guys have asked. Jeff asked more than once. Even Tony came sniffing around. But you gotta know, Luke. These last six weeks have been so painful. Longer than the time between New Year's and Valentine's Day without the stupidly hot foreplay of stolen kisses and you pinning me against the nearest barn stall." He turned, held Luke's hands. "I stopped carrying rubbers on me over the summer. It hurt too much. I don't know what's going to happen tonight, but promise me you'll try not to break my heart? If we go back to your room, go back to where we started ... You can't do what you did. I can't -" Words failed as desperate sorrow swamped him. "I've missed you so god damned much that I wanted to die. I know you can't promise forever. We're too young and still too fucked up. But if this happens? If you take me back to the farm and fuck me bow-legged..."

"Noah, shh. I've got you. I'm here." He squeezed Noah's hands. "You can't promise me forever either. There's a lot we need to discuss."

Noah swiped at his eyes with their joined hands. "A slice of forever? The better part of it? The best part of now? God, Luke, just need your arms around me. I need your breath in my ear while we sleep."

Luke's voice dropped, shifted to serious, demanding. "Get back on the road. Drive us to the farm. Get into my room. We can take it from there."

***

The farm was dark, empty in a way that startled Noah. Holden and Lily were at their house. No Meg, no Aaron, no Janet. "Must be lonely for your grandmother."

"I can't decide if she likes these brief moments of solitude or if they make her crazy." Luke shrugged. "Either way, the hordes descend tomorrow, so she'll be full up. Come on."

Noah hesitated at the door to the kitchen. He hadn't stepped foot inside the farm since Thanksgiving, but not with any real sense of comfort in much longer than he wanted to contemplate. "And you're sure she won't flip if I, if you, I mean, if we -"

Luke covered Noah's hand. "I'm not sure, but I don't care. If it bothers you, I'll leave her a note." He dragged Noah inside. From the ever present pad attached to the refrigerator, Luke grabbed paper. He rifled through a drawer until he found a pen. "Dear Gram. Noah and I have decided to mend our differences through multiple rounds of screaming orgasms. And no, I don't mean the drink."

"Luke!" Noah hissed, even as he tried not to laugh and get hard simultaneously. That second one wasn't happening, but at least he didn't start the round of multiple orgasms while still in his jeans. "Be serious."

"Okay, okay. Just lightening the mood a little. I'll be serious this time. Dear Gram. I know we haven't talked about it, but we can. Later. I wanted you to know that I brought Noah back here with me. We have a lot to work out. To that end, he is staying in my room. With me. I'm sorry if this leaves you feeling betrayed, but Noah and I need this. Love you, Luke." He smiled. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you." Noah coughed. "We do have a lot to work out."

"Yeah, we do. But right now we need to work out how to get us naked in my bed and all fucked out. That's all I can think about." He removed his jacket, helped Noah out of his. "That work for you?"

"It does. It really does." Noah pulled his scarf from around his neck and looped it behind Luke's. He used it to guide them under the mistletoe. "I'll never forget this pantry as long as I live."

"Me neither." Luke's hands reached out, threaded into the curls at the back of Noah's hair. "It hasn't changed, y'know. My feelings, I mean. I am so in love with you."

Noah struggled to react, caught between the need to smile and the sensation of a punch to the gut. "Some things have changed. " He stared into the brown of Luke's eyes, emotions both hopeful and fearful. "I can say it now. Luke Snyder, I love you." His whispered words produced their desired effect when the warmth and strength of his boyfriend pressed against him and they melted into each others' mouths. 

Noah was beyond a comfortable lack of oxygen by the time he pulled back to share air and not kisses from Luke's perfect lips. "I missed this. I missed you. But this? I missed the feel of you against me, your mouth on mine. I don't care how lame it sounds. Your mouth is a miracle."

 

 

lyrics to make sense of this title:  
Our life together is so precious together  
We have grown, we have grown  
Although our love is still special  
Let's take a chance and fly away somewhere alone

It's been too long since we took the time  
No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly  
But when I see you darling  
It's like we both are falling in love again  
It'll be just like starting over, starting over

Everyday we used to make it love  
Why can't we be making love nice and easy  
It's time to spread our wings and fly  
Don't let another day go by my love  
It'll be just like starting over, starting over

Why don't we take off alone  
Take a trip somewhere far, far away  
We'll be together all alone again  
Like we used to in the early days  
Well, well, well darling

It's been too long since we took the time  
No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly  
But when I see you darling  
It's like we both are falling in love again  
It'll be just like starting over, starting over

Our life together is so precious together  
We have grown, we have grown  
Although our love is still special  
Let's take a chance and fly away somewhere

Starting over


End file.
